I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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