YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
