I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
