turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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