I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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