What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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