This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
