dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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