I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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