Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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