This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
