i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
