Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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