I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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