omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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