best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
