Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
