i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
