I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
