By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
