i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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