you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there is glitter all over my balls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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