Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
