I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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