oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
