thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize