she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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