shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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