Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
