You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize