Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
