sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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