some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize