Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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