Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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