So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My penis needs a shock collar
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
