can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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