THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
