Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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