I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
