yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
