This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
