mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
