I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
