I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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