the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Im part way to drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
