Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The Olympian is in my bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
