Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The uberlube is also flammable
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
