I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
