My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
