from now on my penis is your penis
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
