I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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