Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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