I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
