I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
