I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
