I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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