please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
