I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
love makes seman taste better
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
