i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We left the knife in your bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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