Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
