This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize