Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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