I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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