Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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