sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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