bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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