All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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