As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
