Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
