I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
