i just had sex bonerless
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
