this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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