like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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