only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
