genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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