You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is my gift to your gina
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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