1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
