that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
