The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
not ubering you a puppy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
