just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
