saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
