'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
