Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
