Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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