i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
