I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
