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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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