How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
