In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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