eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
