I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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